Fly Away Today
by kittymchale
Summary: She would have given him it all. He would have given her it all. What pushed her over the edge? What made everything not worth it anymore? "I'll always love you, no matter where I am. I never told you that I would give you the sky..."
1. Letters to my Love

**So.**

**This is a drabble, I guess. I will make another part to it, I promise.**

_Dear Artie,_

_ You've always been a staple in my life. You've always been the one to be there and pick me up when I needed you. I could never thank you enough for those perfect years when I could call you up at any hour of the night and you would be right there for me. Thinking about that made me remember that time when we were in the park during the winter and you put your scarf around me so I wouldn't get sick. A day later when you caught a cold and I had nothing, I bet you regretted that decision. I had to laugh at you when you were sniffling and I was perfectly okay. I remember kissing your forehead and trying to make it better. You laughed then. _

_ Being in Glee club with you was the best time of my life. The times we would use Glee as an excuse to blow off our homework and have extra time to see each other were hilarious. We thought we were sneaky, but changed our minds a few weeks later when your mom yelled at us. I remember giggling on the floor of your room, whispering so your mom wouldn't hear us. Those were truly the best moments of my life. The songs we would sing to each other meant a lot and I even listen to the original versions of them now, trying to bring back the moments of us singing them. It's kind of bittersweet. _

_ Another time I like to remember is our first real date. Remember, the one in the park? Remember how happy we were? I think we both forgot the world and everything melted away as we sat together, shoving food in each other's mouths, laughing uncontrollably. You and your dad dressed it up in battery-operated twinkle lights so when the sun went down, we still had light besides the strong shining of the moon. I don't think you thought I saw, but I saw all of those silly glances you shot at me, just to make sure I was happy. I was. You didn't have to worry, you know. _

_ My whole world came crashing down when we broke up. I don't think you noticed how hard it stabbed me in the chest every time I saw you with Brittany. I guess I was being hypocritical, because I was dating Mike. Well, use that term lightly. "Dating". I don't think you really care about how things went with Mike, but it was pretty bad. I never felt happy like I did when I was with you. Nothing was ever the same. He never tickled me when he knew I was upset or made sure I was warm or texted me to make sure I was okay before I went to bed. He never told me that he loved me before I left the school parking lot like you always used to do. He never made me smile as big or laugh as loud. I just wanted you to know that no one could ever fill the spot in my heart that I always left for you. You'll always be there, no matter what._

_ Mike did some things to me that no honorable person would have done to anyone. Things that would have appalled even the strongest of people. Things I know I'll never be able to forget. I don't even want people to come close to me in fear that it will happen again. My mom patted my arm the other day when I was doing homework and I jumped and started to breathe really hard. I had to hide it. I couldn't have anyone knowing what I was going through. I guess right now, it doesn't matter much._

_ Remember that day at Glee club when you asked me if I was okay? I got tears in my eyes and scolded myself not to cry right in front of you. I couldn't have you see me like that. That's why I pretended to smile and told you I was doing great. I even asked you how you were doing. When you told me you were doing amazingly, I almost lost it. That's the night that I started doing other things I regret._

_ I remember smiling as the blood dripped down my arms, as I pulled the razor across my skin. It was my first genuine smile in a long time. I kept going. I was begging for the sweet release. The first 3 were for you, Mike and Brittany. They were small, but I think it really represents how little things can hurt really badly. I cried for a few hours and slapped a few band-aids on them, just so no one would know. I continued this behavior, even though each time I panicked and told myself how..worthless I was._

_ Not good enough._

_ Not pretty enough._

_ Stupid girl._

_ Hideous._

_ No one will ever take you back._

_ The ugly truth was that I was weak. I wasn't strong enough to fight back. I let Mike trap me and hold me in his grip until he cheated on me with Santana and I finally ended things. He left me even more broken than I was before. I knew that no one was going to be there for me at that point, even the person that was the root of the problem. I just wanted someone to be there to hold my hand and tell me it was okay. You were the only one that even suspected anything after the cutting began, but didn't look into it. It hurt, Artie. You knew I wasn't okay. You knew very well that I wasn't okay. I could see it in your eyes that you knew something was up. You even furrowed your eyebrows and gazed over at me, slightly apologetic. That's where it ended._

_ Most of the time when I would look at you during the day, you looked pretty happy. This is why I would go back to the park at night sometimes, sobbing into the grass. I remember sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, the rain falling all around me. I could swear I could hear you screaming in my ears to leave. I couldn't. I gave up._

_ My 30 days are up._

_ You see, I gave myself 30 days to live. 30 days to turn my life around. I couldn't do it in time. I tried, Artie, I honestly did, but Mike coming up to me yesterday when I was inches away from giving up the sadness and trying to get help, but Mike telling me all of the things I was nearly sure of ruined it for me. It's my last day here, Artie. My very last day. I don't think this will get to you on time, but I bet by the time you read this, it's going to be too late for me. I'll get back up on the roof, but for real this time. I'll actually stand with my toes over the edge, poised to jump, knowing I'm going to follow through. I'll finish the job this time. Exterminate myself._

_ I just want you to know that when I fly away today, I'll always love you, no matter where I am. I never told you that I would give you the sky, the moon and the stars if you wanted it. By the way, I sent your scarf along with the letter. I won't be needing it anymore._

_ You'll always have my heart._

_ Always._

_ Signed,_

_ Tina Cohen-Chang._


	2. Alone in This World

**There will most likely be a Part 3.**

I was frantic, my heart pounding endlessly in my ears. As I read her letter, I gritted my teeth, running my fingers over the spots where her tears had landed. At first, I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw everything aside, the world crashing down in front of me and just scream. Scream until I couldn't scream anymore. So, I did. Along with the loudest screams I could ever create, hot tears spilled down my cheeks. The wind rushed out of me, my fists clenching. My head felt like it belonged in a million places at once, all of my thoughts streaming out of me as I cried. I left the handwritten letter behind as I started to roll, roll out of my house toward Tina's house. I had traveled the path tons of times, anxious to get there, but this time was different. Millions of questions rushed through my head as I rolled through the dark.

_Is Tina alive?_

_ Is she on the roof?_

_ Would I be able to save her if she was up there?_

_ Would she take me back if she was still alive?_

_ Could I get things back to normal?_

I rolled quicker, losing my breath hopelessly. I dropped my face into my hands for a second, blaming the world on me. I kept replaying the words of her letter in my head. I was the one who let her get away. I was the one who put her into this situation. I noticed the fishy glances Mike shot her, and I didn't say a word. I let it slip past, just like every other thing in my life. The other things didn't matter right then. It mattered that I got to Tina's house and saw what was going on. I had to know she was okay. I had to know that her life was spared.

The next feeling that set in was rage. Rage at myself for not speaking up, rage at Mike for how ignorant and...just how much of an asshole he was/is, rage at the world for making Tina think she was anything less than perfect. I couldn't help but feel like it all boiled down to me. I could have been there for her. I could have saved her before this even started to boil. I could have rescued her. I could have been the one to prevent it all. I rolled faster, my sobs becoming breathier and heavier. The waves of anguish broke off pieces of my soul with each heaving cry, blowing away in the gentle wind. I could hear the thunder crash, the rain starting to join me in my desperate endeavor. The freezing rain mingled with my searing tears as I sputtered and coughed, seconds away from Tina's house. That's when I started to scream.

"TINA? TINA, ARE YOU HERE?" I screeched, no cars in the driveway. I looked at the sidewalk in front of me. Nothing. Just rain. The grass was wet and spongey, threatening to consume my wheels if I rolled into it. I took my chances as a few shingles blew off of the roof. I pushed myself as hard as I could toward the backyard. As I cringed, I noticed that there was nothing there. Just the thunder, rain and the grass. Nothing else. The rain rolled off of my face, my whole body completely drenched. Taking my chances once again, I grabbed a hold of the wheels, trudging through the mud once again. I rolled up to the front, bursting through the front door, "Tee?" I called through the dark, mentally scolding myself for using her old nickname. It didn't matter at that point, "Tina!"

_What if she's dead?_

Fresh tears ran faster, the scarf that she had sent back to me still wrapped around my wheelchair.

"Tee, please, answer me," I yelled, trying to still be gentle if she could hear me. I rolled through the house, attempting to find any trace of life. That's when I rolled into the bathroom, the breath hissing out of me. I almost threw up, witnessing Tina, laying in a pool of her own blood. She was sprawled out helplessly in the bathtub, her eyes still fluttering. She was covered in water, the shower turned on. She was fully clothed, the bathtub filling up in murky water.

"Artie?" She said weakly, her breath choked and mumbling. I started to sob again. I tried to pinpoint the source of the blood, most of it appearing to come from her wrist. It was slashed so deep that you could see some of the muscle, the thin, red substance dripping out faster and faster.

"Tee," I coughed, nothing else really to say. I just sputtered and sobbed, digging my phone shakily out of my pocket. I dialed 911 as quick as I could, the only reaction I could make sense of. As I waited for the call to go through, I noticed the sink. Splattered with blood, there was a bottle of pills, usually reserved for people with severe heart problems. It was empty. I don't think I could take anymore at that point, not exactly knowing what to do. Everything built up in the pit of my stomach, making me throw up, right in front of her, "Tee, please hold on. I'll do anything for you to hold on."

"There's no point, Artie. You'll always have my heart. Always," Tina repeated the words from her letter, weaker than ever. I wanted to scoop her up and hug her, just to tell her everything's okay as the call finally went through.

"911, what's your emergency?" A vaguely concerned woman on the other end quickly said, sounding like she had gum in her mouth or something.

"My friend...she's almost dead," I sobbed, glancing down at Tina once more. Her hair was swirled around her face, which was almost...peaceful. Her eyebrows were no longer furrowed, her eyes no longer fluttering. I almost dropped the phone as I started to yell, "TINA, PLEASE HANG ON!"

"Sir, you need to calm down. Where are you right now?" She said, perfectly calm. It was easy when your world wasn't slipping away in front of you. I mumbled a quick, barely intelligible. I grabbed on to her hand, trying to feel any kind of warmth, any kind of color, any kind of life. I was sobbing harder than ever as the girl I loved died in front of me.

I loved her.

Why did it take until now for me to realize it? She was everything to me. The secret reason why I woke up, the quiet reason why I left my house. She was my world. She was my everything.

I loved her.

"Tina, please, I love you. I love you more than the world. I love you more than I love breath. I love you more than I could ever promise or say or scream or anything. Please, Tina, come back to me. I will always be here for you. You're not going to fly away. You're going to stay here with me, where you belong. Tina, please. Tina. I need you. You're my life. You're my reason for living. You're my reason for everything. Please. Hold on. Hold on to anything. Hold on to the first thing you see," I admitted, nearly throwing up again as Tina put the tiniest amount of pressure on my fingers, just to release them again, "I love you, okay?"

There was no response.

I squeezed her hand a little.

No response.

"I love you, Tina, more than you know," I sobbed, my whole body feeling like it was falling apart. My heart thrashed against my ribcage, begging for nothing more than the be free. My stomach felt as if it was going to completely jump out of my mouth as her slippery hand dropped out of my grip, consumed by the bloody water.

_You'll always have my heart. Always._

The words replayed as she fluttered her eyes for the last time, ambulances showing up outside.

I was questioned minimally, my answers frantic and automated, almost like I didn't think about them before I said them. My throat was blocked the whole time, rough and raw. As I sat outside of her house, I knew nothing would be the same for me. Not without Tina. I had nothing without her. She was my everything. It would never be the same. Never again.

_There's no point, Artie._

I couldn't handle that statement. There was a point. There was a world of points that she would never grow up to see. We would never get married, be on Broadway, live in New York City and have the best lives possible.

I would never be whole again. An empty shell. I was alone. Completely alone.


End file.
